Being Consistent
Pays Off
Training yourself to be consistent
is hard work but it can be done. I refer to it as
training because it is something that doesn’t come
natural to us and takes a lot of obedience on our
part. We live in such a fast paced world that
convenience is a way of life for many, and being
consistent can get in the way of that. Therefore
when our children are disobedient and choose not
to listen it can be very inconvenient for us, the
parent. Weather at home, school, in public, or at
a friend or relatives house disobedience can
strike at any time with no warning. I’m sure if
you are a parent reading this you totally get what
I mean, you’ve been there done that.
 Let’s look at some
different scenarios........ Scenario number one
takes place at the grocery store, a public
place
It's grocery day and you can’t put it off any
longer; there is no way around it you have to take
the children with you. So being the smart parent
you are you prepare ahead of time for the
adventure, by feeding your children a snack so
hunger will not be an issue, they use the
bathroom, get there jackets on, and off you go.
Things are going pretty good, you got everything
on the list, the kids have been great, and now
it’s time to pay. You look for the shortest line
and take your spot; unfortunately you notice all
the candy on the rack and just pray your children
don’t notice too. Then it happens your children
ask you to buy them a treat, your answer is “no
not this time.” They negotiate back “but mom we
were good we deserve a treat.” You respond “yes
you were very good and I thank you for that, but
not this time.” Being persistent, the children, in
unpleasant voices, start to whine and raise their
voices “it’s not fair, you never buy us anything”.
This scene escalates as you continue to wait in
line, you become more impatient because the louder
the children whine the faster your heart rate
beats, all you want is to pay for your groceries
and leave. You have two choices, conveniently give
in and give the children what they want to keep
them quiet, even though at this point they don’t
deserve it, with all the whining, or you stand
firm and be consistent with your first answer, you
do not give in, you do not buy any treats.
 Scenario number two
takes place at Grandma and Grandpa’s
house.
It’s been a little while since you’ve had a
nice dinner with Grandma and Grandpa so they
invite your family over for dinner, you accept.
The kids are excited to see their grandparents and
you’re excited you don’t have to cook tonight; you
feed the dog and hop in the car. After many hugs
and kisses upon your arrival you all settle in and
your visit begins. Everything is going great
Grandpa is having fun playing with the kids, and
they just love playing with Grandpa, he is quite
the joker. You and your husband are chatting
catching up with Grandma and every once in a while
you all stop to chuckle at Grandpa being so silly
with the kids. Some time passes and it is time to
eat dinner so everyone takes their place at the
table and begins. How nice of Grandma, she made
your children’s favourite meal, so you think great
there will be no issues; the kids will just gobble
up their dinner, no problem. Oh did I mention
before the children spotted a special dessert on
the counter before dinner? Grandma and Grandpa
sure do love to spoil their grandkids with yummy
treats, really what grandparent doesn’t? So it
begins after five minutes of sitting down at the
table, all of a sudden the children are not hungry
and they don’t like their dinner. You tell them
that if they don’t eat their dinner they won’t get
any dessert, you try to encourage them by
reminding them how it is their favourite meal. The
whining begins and you and your husband are
starting to get a little annoyed at their
behaviour. Grandma tries to encourage them to eat
and Grandpa tries to make a fun game out of it,
but nothing works. After everyone else is done
eating you give them one last chance to eat their
dinner and you remind them of the consequences.
The children have decided to test the situation,
after all they are at Grandma and Grandpa’s surely
they will still get dessert. You have two choices,
give them dessert anyway even though you told them
they wouldn’t get it, after all their grandparents
bought it especially for them, or you stand firm
and be consistent and not give them dessert, after
all you did give them one last chance and reminded
them of the consequences.
 Scenario number three takes
place at home while you are on the phone.
So far you and the children are having a pretty
good day together at home. You have read some
stories to the kids, played a board game, and
baked some cookies with them. The house sure could
use your attention, but instead you’ve decided to
put the cleaning on hold to spend time with them,
besides the dust will still be there when you’re
done. It is now the afternoon and you decide to
give your sister a call; it’s been a while since
you chatted. The kids are playing nicely in their
toy room so you figure it’s a good time, and
besides you could use some “me” time. So you make
yourself a tea and make the call, your sister
answers and catch up time begins. After just a few
minutes go by one of the kids come into the room
without even looking at what you’re doing and
starts complaining that their sibling isn’t
sharing. You ask your sister to hold on, you deal
with the issue, and before returning to the phone
you tell them you are on the phone and don’t want
to be interrupted again. A short amount of time
passes and you have now been interrupted more than
once, at this point you are very annoyed by their
behaviour. You ask your sister to hold on one last
time. You make it very clear to the kids that if
they interrupt you again they will not be watching
their favourite show before bed, knowing how much
they look forward to that time. Sure enough you
are interrupted again and this time you apologize
to your sister, say goodbye, and let her go,
because at this point you’re not in the mood to
talk anymore. The day goes on and it is now
evening, bedtime routine begins, the children
brush their teeth, get their PJ’s on, and use the
bathroom. As usual they go to the TV waiting for
someone to turn on their favourite show, hoping
that mom has forgotten all about what happened,
and forgot to tell dad all about it too. You have
not forgotten and your husband is fully aware of
what went on as you told him when he got home from
work. You remind the children that they chose to
miss the show because of their earlier behaviour.
They plead with you and tell you how sorry they
are and that they won’t do it again. You have two
choices, let them watch the show anyway, after all
they do seem sincere, and maybe they did learn
their lesson, or you stand firm and be consistent
and not let them watch the show, but thank them
for apologizing and tell them you forgive them.
 The conclusion
I am a strong believer that being a consistent
parent is a big part of teaching your children
respect and obedience. It is being a positive role
model to your children by creating more peace in
your home. It’s so important that from a very
early age children learn to respect their parents
and to obey their decisions, even when they don’t
like the answer. This should not be done out of a
heart of control to feel powerful. It should be
done out of a loving heart in a gentle but firm
way, firm being consistent. If we give in to our
children and not follow through with the
consequences that we have made due to their
disobedience we are only harming our children.
Some may think but they are only children, they
are too young to understand, they will learn when
they get older. Did you know that whining is a
learned behaviour; we are not born with it? Most
times children are smarter than we give them
credit for. Think back to the grocery store
scenario for a moment. If the mom chose to give in
and buy the treat that child has learned that when
you whine long enough you get what you want. Now I
admit I’ve done it before, we all cave in every
once in a while, not to worry, it’s when it
happens all the time we give our child that
message that whining gets you what you want. Think
back to the dinner scenario for a moment. If the
parents chose to give their child the desert that
child has learned that when they are not at home
they can manipulate the situation and get away
with it. Now think back to the phone scenario for
a moment. If the parents chose to let their child
watch the show that child has learned that they
can disrespect their mom’s wishes and not pay a
consequence for it. If the parent chose the second
option by standing firm that child has learned
that it doesn’t matter where he or she is or who
is there that they will not get away with that
type of behaviour. Being a consistent parent is a
choice. It is always easier to give in to keep
your children “happy” but that happiness only
lasts for so long, then their wants and desires
become more demanding. If you are a consistent
parent and follow through your child will learn
that when you say something you mean it. It may
take 10 time outs in a row before your child
catches on, but that’s ok because children learn
through repetition, I encourage you not to give
up. The result will be a more peaceful home with
less negotiating. If you’re ready to take the
plunge, may I suggest you start with choosing the
behaviour that bothers you and your spouse the
most. I purposely mentioned both you and your
spouse because you will be more successful if you
work together and encourage each other along the
way. It’s important that you both agree on the
consequences for the behaviours you want to work
on. By being a consistent team your child will
learn that mom and dad back each other up and
there is no room for manipulating between the two.
Be prepared because most likely you will cave in
every once in a while, just like myself and
hundreds of other parents, and your kids will test
you every once in a while too. That’s ok just get
back on track when you can, and keep pushing
forward. Maybe someday when your children have a
family of their own they will thank you for being
a consistent parent and will choose to do the same
for their children. Then at that point you get to
sit back and enjoy spoiling your grandkids.
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